


Letters To Eric

by hummingrightalong, itslifethatscaresmetodeath



Category: The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms, The Walking Dead (Comics), The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Aaron's letters, Healing, M/M, mixed canon references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-09-24 19:33:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17106803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hummingrightalong/pseuds/hummingrightalong, https://archiveofourown.org/users/itslifethatscaresmetodeath/pseuds/itslifethatscaresmetodeath
Summary: Aaron started writing letters to Eric after he died. When Jesus comes into his life, he knows Eric would've approved and writes about the stages of their relationship.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written entirely by lflssfrghtnng.tumblr.com <3

Dear Eric,

He's beautiful in the morning, when his hair is less than perfect and still exactly that. Jesus is a dangerous thing (my mom made me think that a long time ago but, ya know this is different), he’s like a drug, could become some kind of addiction if I'm not careful. It's already starting to to feel...heavy. He says it doesn't have to be anything and I know he hasn't been serious about anyone in a while but...I hope he's doing that for my sake and maybe if I'm lucky he might start to feel the same way.

Eric. I wanted to spite you. Stay alone and celibate and miserable but alive for the sake of it because saying yes to you was always inevitable.

I think you would really like him. He's kind of a little shit. But yes also so kind, and wise. Blunt and sarcastic but the most honest liar I've ever met. He makes me laugh. When we're alone, it feels like you all over again. I try not to compare the two of you and...it's easy. You're both so different, so opposite. But so special.

Yeah, you'd approve. And I'm a stupid man. And he's so fucking pretty. Forgive me but he is so goddamn beautiful and intense and I feel like I'm suffocating in the best way.  
Shit. Am I in love? I wish you were here. You had the answers. I had the questions ...but I'm starting to find my way again and it's all his fault.

 

____________

 

You Should Know, 

  
We go out together a lot. I mean out like to run supplies. I'd take him out though...sometimes Daryl is there but usually not. We were right. He does both our jobs well in spite of his unique approach.

Don't worry about me. Jesus - yes, I'm still calling him that. It's what I have to call him. It's not his name. At the risk of sounding a tad racist, his eyes give that away. But he keeps secrets. And that's kind of ok. It's not. But it is what it is and I can't push him  
literally or figuratively.

He's so strong. that's why you don't have to worry. His fighting skills are enough to feel shame for myself when I watch him effortlessly, almost joyfully take out numerous walkers without a breaking a sweat. He carries a couple of daggers and a stick. It's enough.

It's so goddamn sexy. I broke a tree with him the other day. It was a sick tree for certain but still. He wrecks me. Inhibitions, limitations, insecurities, all gone. I remember how I was with you, maybe overly protective at times and I still get that with him but he has both our backs really. And it's nice.

So yeah, don't worry. He's got my back. Daryl has a crossbow but Jesus even gets around that...no obstacle stands in his way...I'm such a fan boy, it's embarrassing.  
Still miss you. Still hurts. And I'm still sorry to be moving on but I know what you want. and I’m listening baby. For once.

 

____________

 

I can't believe I'm saying this, Eric, but,

It's definitely a thing. I'm addicted. shit. it's still not a thing to him but to me, its definitely a thing.

\---

Shit, it's me again,

We have this van, halfway between hilltop and Alexandria. An old vw hippie wagon he got in working order, with extra rugged tired in case we find ourselves in need of moving in a hurry - he's full of surprises. Apparently, he can fix cars too. It's hidden away, stocked with supplies. water, power bars...lube. Some booze and tobacco to roll himself a carton of cigarettes.

How he smokes so much and still has those perfect white teeth...if it was a thing, I'd beg him to stop, you know I would. But it's not really a thing. We fuck, rehydrate, maybe hang out a while, kill the few walkers we managed to attract - no I'm not blushing...  
but then he's getting dressed, faster than usual these days, as soon as it starts getting dark, but sometimes earlier if I get too curious and ask the wrong question. We don't know which ones to ask, he has so many secrets.

He likes me. he said so. I sound like a teenage girl writing in her diary. It's fucking pink too. Paper is fucking scarce and if I don't write it, I'll start talking to you out loud again and people were starting to worry and...yeah. I'm wasting paper. And ink with this rant.

I think that might be his problem and I can't help but wonder where/who he was/what made him so wary of people and connections. I want to break their spines.  
Yeah. I got it bad.

 

_________

 

I have the best news,

Breakthrough. Definitely a breakthrough. We were at the van and he was acting strangely. He showed up at Alexandria with a flimsy excuse out of nowhere, dragged me to the woods. I could tell his mind was somewhere else but I don't ask anymore.  
We fucked, it is was rough, there was this desperation about him but I don't ask anymore. And I hated not to but it was getting late already - he'd showed up so late in the day, and time to get back.

Then it happen, when I was getting dressed, worried I'd fucked up and hurt him or something...he told me. Showed me his NY State ID. He was born on Christmas, Eric. Fucking Christmas. The Jesus thing - makes more sense now...

But that's not the important part. His name is Paul. Rovia. They named him that in the NICU after his mother abandoned him. He was a preemie, addicted to crack, the name means "small. humble." I tried not to laugh, I really did. But he laughed too so I guess it's ok.

He used to be a mechanic and a bartender and a barista, a yoga instructor, he taught martial arts...but his main profession? a cosmetologist, with some very important clientele. He had a boyfriend when the infection hit, rushed home as everything went to hell. The asshole had thrown his cat out a 5th story window and was waiting in the bedroom, gun to his head. Paul said he begged him not to. He didn't even say he was sorry, just that he couldn't do it and blew his brains out. Paul packed quickly and was one of the last people out of NYC. Says the jackass would have slowed him down anyway. They'd been on-and-off for maybe 5 years, he was a complete jerk but Paul said he wanted to make something work for once, He was pushing 30, needed to settle. He was fucking settling all right...

But he's kept this mostly to himself. He wants me to call him Paul when we're together. just me. He loves me and he’s scared to death but he does.

I love him too


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Eric, things could be better,

We had this plan. The sanctuary was running out of bullets, Eugene can make bullets under the right circumstances.

It didn't go well. We lost a few people, but took half of theirs...and that was the problem. Negan demanded a sacrifice, not like last time. Lucille is always with him but it wasn't like Glenn.

He wanted replacement...assets

Eugene, Daryl, and Paul were deemed most useful/promising.

So he took them.

Rick is losing it. I don't blame him.

Because I'm losing it. He's gone and I'm losing it, Eric.

Paul had to go, to save the rest of us. He went with the monster without a fight, they all did. I'm terrified. who knows what Negan will...no. He'll be ok.

He better be - will be. He's brilliant, a fighter, a survivor since the day he was born.  
I know it'll take time, he won't leave without the others. but it's hard to just sit here. especially every time Negan gets the chance to rub it in someone's face - and he takes every chance.

But I know Paul is there solving the puzzle. He'll be back. They all will. It's only a matter of time. How safe and sound, I don't know, but he will be ok.

And I doubt he'll come back without a plan and whatever we need to get rid of the saviours for good.

He'll be fine.

 

______________

 

Good news, 

  
He's home. I'm never letting go of him again. I don't even like him to be in another room. He's agreed, he's moving to Alexandria. To the home that used to be yours and I'll be sharing it with him.

I can't let him go now

I knew negan was a monster but...what he did. He put Daryl in a cage, fed him fucking dog food. He beat him, tried to break him, erase his identity. He tried to tempt Eugene into making his bullets, be him idiot savant by flashing his wives tits at he man.

Sasha attempted a rescue mission, he thought he'd used it to his advantage, make he hurt us. Paraded a coffin through town. Should have seen his face when it turned out to be empty. Eugene and our allies on the inside are still there but Paul and Daryl came rolling through the gates on his brother's motorcycle just in time to help us cut the bastard's forces a little more.

But there's always a price isn't there? Daryl will be ok in time. Paul says he's ok. Negan tried to make Daryl his soldier but Paul seemed more suitable as a *wife*/potential bodyguard. He tried to break them both in his own way.

Paul's ok. bruised, in some pain, I think his pride is a little wounded. He's skilled, it's hard to let yourself be taken advantage of but just like I thought, he wouldn't leave without bringing Daryl home with him. It was tricky, but some unlikely help came along. One of negan's wives, Sherry, and her husband Dwight - they still felt guilty about a run in with Daryl earlier and about their predicament. For her safe passage, Dwight cleared the way, set a distraction.

They coordinated with Eugene, set Sasha free, she led Sherry out. Paul and Daryl escaped with a complete layout of the place and every detail we'd ever possibly need to know to defeat them.

It won't be long now. I'll have his fucking head.

Paul doesn't like me to fuss like that but I can't help it. Old habits die hard. He's perfectly capable but he's also mine...

You've got to be enjoying this from a new vantage point, huh?

 

______________

Hey again, what did I do to get this lucky? 

He sat down with Rick today, to tell him his allegiance is with Alexandria. He put so much into Hilltop so his heart will always be there a little...but Sasha and Rosita will take care of Maggie. Those girls are a force stronger than he believes he's ever been. I disagree but i am slightly biased…

Anyway, they talked, he wants to do his part - he’s staying away from it all until he’s back to 100% but still. He wants to do his part. Rick told me after that he wants me to keep an eye on him, that he barely took a breath listing all the ways he can be useful like he's ever had anything to prove. He can farm, teach us to fight, how to be more resourceful and not wasteful...Rick was worried. Agrees Paul’s help will be a blessing but as far as he’s concerned, Zeke's got nothing on him and Rick would wash his feet every day for the rest of his life. He brought Daryl back. Assured us a victory - it'll be hard but we've got this, because of Paul.

I put your things away today, when we got back from Hilltop with his meager possessions. The way he was living... maybe he's right and I'm a snob but I fucking worship him. He deserves better. I'm gonna give it to him.

He helped me pack your clothes, rearrange the house. He didn't hide you away, just moved himself in alongside the life we'd shared with his impossible grace. He's going to help me finish the license plates...I hope you don't mind. I know you don't...

I took off the ring, but he wants me to wear it around my neck. He found it in the bathroom and put it on a sturdy chain when I refused to put it back on.

His fucking patience. I wonder if he's actually the second coming some days - he'd make the dirtiest joke if I said that, you'd laugh, I know.

I lost you. I won't lose him

I love you. Both.

He's ok with that. He's either the actual son of god - he wouldn't know - or he's an angel. Did you send him to me? I needed him. Thank you for being you and loving me.


	3. Chapter 3

Not the usual suspect/I'm sorry,

Aaron lost an arm today. Sorry to just spit it out like that. But I noticed he likes to be conversational here. And I figured it'd be even more awkward if I didn't keep up the trend. You know, that whole thing? About everyone they've kissed or some shit? Well, I feel like we're old friends at this point.

It could worse, it was only part of an arm- his left one so at least he can keep writing to you...god that is inappropriate.  Anyway, from below the elbow...yeah. I know about the letters, I have for a while. No big deal, you're dead, no threat. Lol. Sry not sry. Maybe I should start writing to you more so you know what he's getting into.

But he can't write this so I will. it was maybe a little my fault. I fucked up a little, tried to save the saviors. Won't happen again.

We're building a bridge. Rick's stupid bridge. But yeah, a log crushed his arm. The responsible parties have been...set free? And a few other as well. I kinda lost it...Enid amputated, it was necessary. While I was busy taking care of...stuff, Daryl held the tourniquet.

He's going to be ok. Won't happen again. My word is my word.

 

****

It finally happened, 

I'm a father. He's so scared. Wants me to think of him as step-dad, keep a little distance...baby steps. I get it. He grew up in a group home, never had parents. Doesn't know a thing about himself or his family. Looked up his last name once, could have gone farther but ultimately decided against it. Rovia is a mountain in Greece or something. So he figured he might be Greek. Maybe. 'Whatever', he says, and hopes it's ok. It's more than ok.

The baby, her name is Gracie. One of the saviours, he's likely dead and lost her in the woods. Rick found her, Paul brought her to me, absolutely terrified, no doubt, but I'd shared our 5 year plan - oh, the look he gave me...- she's everything we wanted, Eric. I fell in love with her the second I had her in my arms. Her laugh might be my favorite sound.

Paul didn't sign up for this, I know. but he is patient. he is kind.

 

______

Which one of us was it that decided to head South? Can I blame you for this? Oh my god I'm actually trying to pass the buck because I'm so angry right now. Things don't ever change do they babe?

It turns out that, like the first time he was here on Earth, Jesus is, in fact, mortal.

I almost lost him. but I didn't. Rosita and Eugene were out and came across these things...you wouldn't believe what they were. She swore she'd heard them speak, we thought she was losing her mind but she'd had to leave him, he was hurt, so we went out on a rescue mission. We'd noticed walkers acting funny lately too and should have thought more of it.

Because Paul thought it was a walker when he attacked, when it happened. We were trapped in a fucking graveyard so fighting our way out was the option. The only one.

It stepped out of the way, pulled a blade out of nowhere, caught him by the shoulder and drove it into his back. Thank God for his reflexes, he turned just in time, just enough. It missed his heart, his spine, even his lungs...

I lost it, Eric. A woman was with us, a savior who swore she'd changed, her name was Arat...after I killed the thing, I grabbed her and threw her into a group of oncoming walkers, screamed for Daryl to move his ass.

Somehow we got out of there, me, daryl, Eugene, and Paul are ok. I Kept him alive, rode all the way back as fast as that horse would run. Didn't look back once, not even to check on Daryl - I feel a little bad now that I know Paul is going to survive. You could hear her screams for a mile, at least.

But she was evil, negan's puppet. She tried but she'd been a part of such horrible things. You do a lot to survive but still, she killed children. She wouldn't have lasted much longer from what I'd heard lately anyhow.

When he was lucid, Paul told me it had spoken to him, just like Eugene and Rosita Said

"You are where you do not belong."

Ok. well. I don't need to be told twice...

Ok, ok, fine, i know that you know me better than that but this is different.

So we're headed north...Daryl has a dog now, it brought back that thing’s head. Daryl had pulled off the mask it wore, stitched up the back. A walker's cured leathery skin. they'd been wearing a whole suit of it...

Rick is on board, along with everyone else. Even if he wasn't, Daryl made it clear, he and the kids were moving on

Zeke and Maggie are with us. 30 of us are moving out as soon as day breaks so I gotta go. I'm hesitant to leave his side but there's work to be done.

Paul, when he thought it was over, he said Gracie and I were the only things on his mind.

He missed us in that instant

He wants to be a dad now. 'Fuck this step dad shit' - his exact words. First ones out of his mouth as soon as he woke up.

Not like he ever really acted like anything less but I love him more than I ever have.  
Still miss you. But I know you're still with us. He makes sure of it.


	4. Chapter 4

Good news (I hope). Which one of us was better at being an optimist? My current relationship is a toss-up, and since my dating history is *you*...I'm doing my best,

We learn along the way that there's a safe Haven of sorts. Sounds almost like a better Alexandria/Hilltop combined. Maybe. We'll see. Hope so.

Odessa Washington...I think we're still missing that plate...

Some men on a supply exchange for the place told us about it, after some time and a bit of the 3rd degree, they offered to lead us there. Said they could use some help, the man in charge is setting up defenses, putting up walls, expanding, building a community. a real one. Not just the farce that Alexandria was. I see that now...

They've established trade posts, cleared the way straight to Canada. They have military training or something- I know the men we met do. Coast guard, met someone there back when it began in LA. There are others, from a prepper community apparently, some air Force with drones, they can survey the area, be ready for a horde or anyone with unclear intentions. They have ample fuel, weapons, ammunition, vehicles...and then there's the fortress. Deja Vu, I remembered showing Rick my photographs when they produce a polaroid of what looks like an alabaster prison but beautiful. And safe. I’m surprised Rick didn’t punch them.

But best of all, they have farming experience, a green energy focus that keeps the lights on, the water hot.

No choice again. we have to try. I feel good about this 

____________

The universe played a terrible wonderful joke on me today; actually, not sure who the joke was on but I definitely got the better end of the stick. Like you know how they say you can't have your cake and eat it to? I got the better end of the stick, and then the cake. And am currently eating it. Today is the best day ever for me, and the worst day ever for somebody else,

I'm a dad again. Not gonna lie, Eric. it was...horrible. A mother, a father. They lasted this long, must have fought so hard. They had a newborn when he turned. I don't know what happened, she was fading fast as she told me she'd done her best to keep the baby safe, please take him.

The husband was eating her, she'd held him off, held him back, the man still strapped into the front seat as he ate her from the bottom up. I could hear the crunch as he bit off her toe...I see her serene smile when I close my eyes sometimes. I wonder what his name was but she wouldn't say. she was giving him life again, would only say his birthday before it was time to go...

Am I terrible for saying it was all worth it to see Paul's reaction. Gracie had terrified him but Dexter - it means dexterous, fortuitous, his middle name is Aaric...when he held him, he cried, and it wasn't the pain or the meds...he looks at him like he's the world, holds him constantly, I've barely gotten a chance myself.

And newborns love warm skin. So lucky me, "snuffie" as Paul has decided to call him - snuffie snuffled his way to warm skin and won't be parted from his happy little place...so I get to see my man hold our son, looking all...like he always does but half naked. I'm a bad man. He's hurt...bad bad Aaron

You should see the baby's hair...Paul is relentless in his teasing. Only I would find a ginger baby on the side of the road.

I'm going to marry him. whether he likes it or not. Been looking at every market we pass for the perfect ring. I'll find it. and when I do, he'll say yes

I'm not afraid to play dirty.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arrival and meeting of the group from FTWD.

I have never felt more masculine in my entire life (I wanna call my mom...I said that to Paul today and he pulled out a Ouija board...dunno where he got it),

Odessa, WA.

I told you I had a good feeling. We crossed the continent like fucking pioneers. Nearly took us 2 months but it's worth it.

This place...is so much more than we expected. It's incredible, everything they said and more.

The closer we got, the more we heard, tall tales about the compound (90% of it true), and even more about the man behind it all. Some of it good, some of it bad. Our guides did their best to assure us but said we'd have to find out for ourselves. Meeting Troy Otto is an experience, that's for sure.

He's young, maybe 25, taller than me but with the look of a cherub. Then he'd circled Rick, stalking him like a wild cat. He looks like an angel. but like a dangerous one, Michael maybe. We'd heard he might be Lucifer himself but he kinda seems like the type who may have at one time been the guy to start shit only to have become the one who comes along to finish it.

Then he saw Judith and melted into a giant squishy puddle. She demanded to know, with her hands on her hips, "and just who the hell are you?"

Tension resolved.

There's a lot to this guy and I'm sure we'll get it all out eventually. But anyone who dotes on his kids and husband like that, calls his older brother 'Jakey-teddy-bear', and pouts at his mama to pet his hair during negotiations on living arrangements/just what the hell is going to be done with the 'dancing bear' aka 'Negan in his rolling circus-provided prison cell' (after seeing Shiva, Troy was slightly disappointed to find the sign on the cage was a farce and demanded to know where his lion was).

His half assed poker face when he told us he'd throw us out on our asses if he wasn't allowed to have full custody/access to Negan was almost comical, a little adorable, and a relief. Rick has insisted on making him pay for his crimes and it had been a hell of an argument, again when we needed to run and no one wanted to bother dragging him along...

But as much as I was in favor of his head on a pike or death by anal violation using the business end of a new Lucille...Negan has finally met his match. Troy is...creative. You were too sweet in life to hear the deets babe. But I am not even slightly ashamed to admit I admire the man's work. And he hasn't even laid a finger on him.

He's building a proper prison, where he'll remain until he dies or Troy grows tired of him, whichever comes first.

Probably the most ridiculous part of this whole thing-Troy's husband, Nick, is Rick's cousin. Well, Lori's. His mother was her cousin anyway. Rick met them once when they were kids, an occasion on which he says fully describes her nature.

Was always getting Lori in trouble when they were kids...their only visit to El Sereno, she had told Lori to come right on in, it'd be unlocked. Holding all the bags, Rick had struggled through the doorway only to be met with a large Jamaican man with dreadlocks to his ass, reeking of marijuana and a big smile on his face. "Lori, I think we made a mistake-" he started only to hear her cousin cracking up on the staircase. When Nick related the part of the story he remembers, he added that throughout his parents’ marriage there’d been a few moments that went just like that; “I can't count how many times I'd heard mom say, let Steve answer the door, it'll be hilarious.”

Exhibit 2: She'd texted another man throughout her mother's entire funeral after Lori had leaned over and told her husband, 'you know she killed her daddy, right?'. While he was taking a drink. She always brought out the worst in Lori...so Rick didn't bat an eyelash when he discovered the scar on Troy's temple had come from her and that her own son had been the one to bring about her untimely demise. By dropping a dam on her. Yeah. She was that fucking bad. It reminds me of how you met your inlaws that one time. Before you never met them again. I think Troy might have the monopoly on ‘worst in law ever’.

At the very least, the entertainment is going to be worth the trip. Their doctor was able to help Paul even more, and he made a new girlfriend who had 'more split ends than hair' before he turned her into the hottest mom in the apocalypse. Her husband and I can bond over the trials of being an amputee...the kids have playmates and Adventure Time - Gracie saw Kermit the Frog for the first time. You should have seen the look of betrayal after all the impressions I've been doing for her. How was I supposed to know we'd find people with a stockpile of DVD players…

It's going to be ok. I miss you. I still miss you every day but I'm so happy. Not just surviving but living and living well and life is good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Frank Dillane is biracial, so we have always written Nick Clark's father as Jamaican. Frank's mom (Naomi Wirthner) is Afro-Jamaican.
> 
> Also, probably one more chapter coming, where Paul writes Eric a letter.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Paul writes one.

Hey, it's the other man again...or are you the other man now? I don't know Aaron will be wearing both our rings by the end of the day. Maybe this is more of a polyamorous sort of thing. Can you do that thing from Ghostbusters?

I jacked his diary again. Not to repent this time... we're getting married today. So, at the risk of being inappropriate, thank you Eric, for, you know...dying. Sorry but. for real. You put some hard work into this man and I am reaping all the benefits and I'm sincerely sorry it happened to you, especially how it happened.

Been shot now, stabbed in the back too (btw thanks for making him such a big goddamn baby I think), and that shit hurts.

I know how you felt when you knew it was over, how much you already missed him...never believed in the after life stuff - I know, the nickname...but I didn't. Still mostly don't but yeah. Some weird shit has gone down and I'm pointing fingers. Thanks for the recipe. The mean, man-killing spaghetti. I never learned to feed myself, let alone seduce a man with unsexy food.

So thanks for building me the perfect man, dying, and helping me keep this shit up because I know I look like I have it all figured out but I'm a goddamn mess. You know it, don't you?

I was so fucking scared when I started falling for him. I loved a guy before. I thought I did, anyway...I was wrong. My life was shallow, *hollow*. He came in and crowded all my dark places out until only light and happy and life was left...and I sound like such an asshole right now. I don't even care.

Gracie scared me too. she was permanent, helpless. I've always been someone's afterthought and I built so many walls. She was permanent and helpless, and his face when he held her...I didn't want to fuck it up.

Dex is different, he's mine. MINE. My snuffie. So, if you see her, say thank you to the dead lady on RT 66. I feel about as bad about her as I do about you in the same way.

Dex helped distract me from the pain and I knew what Aaron felt like when he looked at her the first time.

So we're gonna get married today, and I guess this is the best invite I can send. I used to be kind of a homewrecker but really, I think I might've un-wrecked something for once.

Purple and pink hydrangeas and sunflowers btw. The white and gold you guys used was so 2007. Wish me luck. And stick around. Don't go crossing over or anything. We didn't get to know each other but I might need a wingman and he needs more than one man taking care of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Purple Hydrangea= deeper understanding  
> Pink Hydrangea=heartfelt emotion  
> Sunflowers=adoration, longevity, loyalty


End file.
